The Last Day

So tomorrow’s the big day: the day the oldest kid moves out and finishes “The Story of My Childhood.” Every morning this week, on my way downstairs, I’ve listened in the dark by his door so that I can hear him breathing, something I haven’t done since he was a baby. I’m checking to make sure he’s still there. This all feels so surreal.

And I wake up worrying: did I do everything right? Everything I was supposed to do? Of course I didn’t. But I really hope he leaves with mostly good memories and doesn’t become a member of “I hate my parent’s because______” club. Will he grow up to blame his dad and me when things go wrong or will he take responsibility and try to shape his own life? Like every mom and dad, I tried my best. I hope he forgives me my faults (even if I did just give him one final beating–in chess, that is).

It goes fast. Really fast. The time with our kids. And when our part is done, our children will have a handful of salient memories that will stick in their minds like chewing gum in their hair. We have no control over which ones stick and which ones melt away, and we have no idea when we are in the midst of making an important moment. But these memories will help define who they are and how we did as parents. Which injuries did we not see? Did we cause any of their big hurts? Will they remember few the times we lost our tempers or all the times we sat down and read stories to them or helped them build Lego creations or chased them around the yard? Will they remember their childhood as happy and peaceful or as sad and tumultuous?

And there’s another thing that you and I have to worry about, having raised our kids without religion. They may feel intensely alone when they move away. While their roommates will be able to crawl under their sheets at night and pray for solace and guidance, our kids will be without that sort of security blanket. They’ll live among peers who think that things happen because it was meant to be or because it was fate or because it was God’s will while our kids will live with the realization that life is one long series of accidents, coincidences and serendipity.

They’ll live with those who think that their religion makes them better than those who have none. For my kid, I just hope that he will remember being godless is good enough. It’s the state he was born into, his natural state. His goal isn’t to prove that others are wrong or that he’s right about god, only to prove that religion makes no difference in how successful or how kind or how happy he is.

Our kids don’t have to be traveling in the same vehicle as their peers, or even on the same road, to arrive at the same destination: honor, integrity, love, happiness, peace, wisdom. These are goals and attributes we all seek, regardless of belief.

To those parents who have a kid or two (like Theresa) who left for college recently, I’m sending a hug your way. And to those moms and dads who are still writing the story of childhood with their kids, I hope you create many beautiful memories.

PS I wanted to share this essay that CNN is running today. It’s things I want my college-bound kid to remember:


71 responses to “The Last Day

  1. Beautifully written once again, Deb.

    I can relate to your situation quite well even though we get to keep our oldest for a year still under our roof. I´m not sure what it is – probably the dichotomy of being incredibly frustrated with a know-it-all teenager during the day and then when I go to turn out the light in his room and just look at the beautiful, wonderful, perfect young man asleep – just a little while short of making it on his own.

    We have given all we´ve got – tolerance, rules, shelter, debates, arguments and most of all unconditional love. All I can hope is that it is enough – on the other hand, why would it not be? The next step after he´s finished school will be military service (in here we have conscription for men, voluntary service for the women) so it´ll be a bit different that going to college. I can tell because I went to the army prior to going to University myself.

    On a bit of an anecdotic note I can relate a fact about Finnish society. As we are the birthplace of sauna, there are naturally several of those in garrisons as well. While in the sauna there are no ranks – so a private and a general sit next to each other as equals. Not such a bad place to send your son to… 🙂

    • @Konsta That’s so cool. Thanks for sharing. And you’re right about the dichotomy–one moment you want to pull your hair out and the next you just want to give them a hug. I’m sure it’s tough for them, too, transitioning to adulthood.

  2. Such a beautiful post! Lump in my throat… I’ll be thinking of you tomorrow!

  3. Remembering back to the time my son left for college, I never saw it as a reason for concern. It was clear enough that he had reached a stage where he needed more distance between himself and his parents, and moving away to an out-of-state university gave him that distance.

    Things have turned out pretty well for both of my children. I never worried about whether they would get hooked into religion. After all, it is their life and their decision. And, years later, they seem to be free of religion.

    I never taught them to be concerned about the environment. But they both are. They must have picked that up from the example that we set.

    Best wishes as you and your son go separate ways. I’m guessing that it will all turn out well.

    • @NeilRickert Thanks for the kind words. It’s always good to hear other parents’ success stories with their children, so thanks for sharing. It’s interesting the things kids pick up from us, while we are unaware.
      This past year, I wanted my kid to have all the freedoms he would have at college. So, as long as he was a respectful, responsible member of the household, he could do what he wanted. (We didn’t see him too much.) Hopefully, he will continue to be responsible…

  4. I “religiously” [pun intended] read your blog. 🙂

    Our family of four are non-believers in the traditional sense. We consider ourselves seekers of stories, mythology, and how different cultures work. We love to learn and embrace different ideas, but we do not have one deity we, for certain, believe in. I really appreciate your candor when it comes to this journey.

    I find myself saying, “Yes!” or “Absolutely!” or “She is so right.” as I read your honest and thought-provoking words.

    “The Last Day” entry is very touching. While our sons are still in their childhood years – the questions you pose, are the ones that roam around my head and heart as we raise them.

    My husband’s mom is dying of lung cancer – and she is uber-religious. So she talks a lot about how she is going “home” and will see all of the family she loves and how it will be a big party in a glorious and divine heaven. She even told us recently that at her funeral she wants the last line her Pastor says to be, “I hope you all find my Savior, because I want to see you when you die.” Yeah…

    Our family is polite when she makes these announcements. We don’t debate or argue with her, we honor her beliefs – just as we would like everyone within a faith to honor ours. The boys will ask us on the car ride home ALL about the many proclamations and promises Grandma just made. And, yeah, I wish there was some silver bullet of comfort I could give them. But I can’t. As passionately as people feel about religion I feel that strongly opposed to it. I know it brings some good, I know it’s a solace for many souls, but to me – I feel like I’m lying to myself, I feel like I’m telling myself there still is a Santa Claus. And, I’m sorry, but I just can’t turn a blind eye to the copious amounts of pain, fighting, and war that religion has fueled in humans over the years.

    Anyway… bottom line is. I am so glad you write, post, and share a beautiful view of what it means to be a non-believer. Thank you! We are good, hope-filled, loving, kind, generous, devoted (to our family’s and the goodness of human beings) people too!!

    Best, Barbra

    “Three things in human life are important: the first is to be kind; the second is to be kind; and the third is to be kind.” ― Henry James

    • Hi Barbra, Thanks for the kind words. That’s a great quote by Henry James.

      Sorry to hear about your mother-in-law. I know it’s tough when a loved one dying, and then to add the struggles with god and what to tell the kids makes it all harder. I’m the same as you about honoring others views–and then privately telling the kids that not everyone shares those views (like us!).

  5. Debbie, I hope big boy remembers how much you love him and his little brother no matter what. I hope he knows that he can always turn to you in times of crisis and moments of joys….. That he can even call just to say “What’s up?!”

    Thank you, Debbie, for the amazing person and parent that you are. So many of us are benefiting from your courage and non-conformist ways. You have inspired me to do things that I never thought I could. You give me strength as a woman, a person, a parent and as an atheist.

    I wish you and your college age son all the love, hope and encouragement to get through today, tomorrow and his entire time in college.

    Congratulations on a job well done in parenting. My thoughts are with you both throughout this first week of separation. To me, you are more than a blogging friend, you are my wise and kind sister.

    Carry on, dear friend. Know that your oldest has already reaped so much from your wonderful mind and beautiful heart.

  6. Yes, but some of “those who think that their religion makes them better than those who have none” will be challenged for the first time in their lives to examine their beliefs. Unlike your son, they will be woefully unprepared.

    But it’s easy for me to sound detached right now. When my eldest leaves in a few years I’ll be a wreck like I was at the end of Toy Story 3 when Andy went off to college.

    • Michael, between the 50th anniversary of Dr. King’s “I have a dream” speech and Debbie’s post today, I am already an emotional mess. Don’t even get me started about my favorite “Toy Story” movie! I will always have a special place in my heart for the third one because it’s truly a tender goodbye to childhood. Oh Michael, why did you go there?! Now I’m just going to sit here with my ugly cry face and boo hoo by myself at home.

    • @MichaelB & Charity LOL. I loved Toy Story! It’s weird that we will one day go back to our pre-kid days. But we will be so changed (hopefully for the better, albeit grayer)!

      • To infinity…and beyond 🙂

        I have already found myself trying to cling on to movies etc. that mattered when the kids were tiny.

        • @saab93f LOL I hid a few books from their childhood like, “I’ll love you forever!”

          • Aw, Debbie! “Back and forth. Back and forth. Back and forth!” I would actually sing “I’ll love you forever. I’ll like you for always. As long as I’m living, my baby you’ll be!”

            Good times!

            • Debbie, really amazing 10 points you gave to your son. Thanks for sharing this with us.

              The part that got to me was:

              “But I can barely write this now without laying my head down on my desk and crying for all the happy childhood memories that will never be experienced again and for all the things we meant to do but didn’t.”

  7. Debbie – I’ll be thinking of you tomorrow when you’re shipping that kid off on his big adventure. (((hug))) You’ve raised him right, so of course he’ll do great things. There may be minor glitches along the way, but he’ll be able to straighten himself out, because you gave him a good foundation. He will come back home after a while, and he will be a different kid – he will be an adult. I had “issues” with mine this summer. After a year on their own at college, they didn’t take to kindly to pesky little things like “house rules” and “yardwork.” We all had some adjustments to make. I miss them now, since they went back to school over the weekend. I know that they’re glad to get back to making their own rules, but I came to a realization recently: I miss what it USED to be. I miss having them run up to me after school and tell me the latest band drama. I miss them wanting to snuggle with me like they did when they were small. I miss the bouncy little guys that they once were. Fortunately, I now have 2 very cool, extremely smart, and terribly handsome young men that hang around my house on holidays. That can only do great things for my street cred.

  8. I don’t recall the details of my son’s heading off to college, but as it turned out, he was never gone for long. There were frequent trips home (because he was at an in-state school), holidays and vacations. Usually he arrived with bags of dirty laundry, and often a friend or two. His “departure” from home was more like a series of test flights, each longer than the one before, until he finally found the right direction and struck out on his own. It was a transition more than a sudden break.

    Thanks for the link to your new iReport. I’d have never seen it otherwise, and it’s every bit as good and wise and thoughtful as your first.

    • @PiedType Laundry?!! Ugh. LOL. Thank you for sharing your story with me. I like the analogy of “test flights.” As you know, by the time they get to be seniors in high school, you don’t get to see them very much anyway!

  9. Okay, you’ve made me cry twice in one morning, Deb.

    My oldest is less than two years from adulthood now, and I find that I’m living with this constant “running out of time” feeling. It really does just go by so very quickly.

    Thanks for so beautifully putting into words so many things I think and feel.

  10. Hey, Deb. So glad I came across your blog through the CNN post about your letter to your son. I am also in Texas and have raised my godless children here. It is so nice to find like minded individuals.

    We also just left our oldest (son) at university last Thursday. It was hard, and we are sad that we will not see his face and hear his voice daily, but I did not cry. I know, deep down, that we did our best as parents and he is ready for this. He’s got this.

    I look forward to going back and reading more of you blog and look forward to the posts to come.

    Austin, Texas

    • @Martha Thanks so much for stopping by and letting me know that there are more godless parents in TX. I hope your son has an awesome year! I am excited for my kid, too, as well as sad. But I remember what a great experience college was. As you said–we did the best we could, and this is what we’ve worked for.

      • Thanks, Deb! I hope your son has a great year as well!!
        Mine already sent me a text today (today is his first day of class) saying that I was right and that college classes were “waaaaaaaaaay more awesome” than high school. 🙂
        Looking forward to getting to know you, Deb!

  11. Debbie I’m equally sad for you and excited for your son. I envy him, really. What a time in his life, what an adventure. To go back to my pre-children, pre-mortgage days… sometimes that sounds like a dream 😉

    I am sure it does go fast, and I’ll be saying that very thing in 17 years, but sometimes when your kids are young it doesn’t feel that way. Last night was one of those evenings when bedtime couldn’t possibly come fast enough at my house….

  12. Congrats, Deb. Great essay over on CNN (with quite sage advice) and I really loved the photos included. Much happiness and success to you both.

  13. Great CNN article, BTW. As I was reading it all I could think was that people were going to ignore all the great advice and fixate on #3 because of the words “gay” and “abortion”, while completely missing the point. Sure enough…

  14. Wonderful essay on CNN, and excellent post here. It certainly did bring out some of the crazies, but that’s par for the course. I’m hoping there are fewer “inappropriate” flags this time around by people who can’t stand the idea that it’s possible to raise children without God.

    As someone with no children, I can’t speak from direct experience … but if your advice is any indicator, you did just fine. I’m sure you made mistakes, and he’ll make plenty of his own, but you gave him a strong set of tools to think for himself and be a responsible adult.

    Good luck tomorrow!

  15. My daughter is only six and just started going to school. I’m already nervous about her going to college, even though that is still several years in the future.

  16. Deborah, interesting reading. Being Godless is not new, of course, just as evil is not new. You appear to be an individual who, due to being attractive and perhaps with a bit of money, convinced some doomed man to marry and to support you well. You, therefore, join the very fortunate stratum of society, envied by most, i.e., those who possess “more money than brains.” It is very ancient to renounce God, and it is also foreseeable that neither you nor your unfortunate offspring will prosper. That is very predictable. You further claim not be a follower of any religion, but it appears you may have Jewish lineage and/or influence? If so, then you are simply stating anti-Christian sentiments. Nothing new there, either. Without God defining moral boundaries, there is no meaning to “honest” “integrity” “fair” words, only what meaning you give, and that is without value. You and your children have prospered and been protected by the remnants of the religious and predominantly Christian society and beliefs that build our world. With that gone, paganism will rapidly return. You have contributed to that and have given your children over to it.

    • Hey! *I’m* supposed to be the funny one here!!


    • I honestly cannot make out whether you, Mr Anon, are for real or just a troll.

      I assume that you are for real – in that case what you posted was probably the most hurtful, conniving and loathable couple of sentences I’ve read for a while. If you portray religiosity even slightly, I am overjoyed that it will fade away to history.

      • @saab93f I just think polycarp50 is an angry xtian who has been rejected by women. He did write several more messages, but I marked his comments as spam so they go right to the trash. I would let him post, but his vitriol does not add anything to this blog. We’ve heard his song before: America was founded on religious principles and we’re all going to hell. Man is a dirty sinful thing, incapable on morality without a punishing god. We’re all a bunch of losers if we don’t agree with him. Blah, blah, blah. Same stuff.

        I remember reading that quote in Harris’ book, and I understand what he is saying. Molly did write that she didn’t agree with polycarp’s behavior. That, to me, is important because she is retaining her personal belief while also recognizing boundaries and the right of others to believe. I understand her side, too, because, while I don’t agree (am sometimes horrified) with what some individual American politicians do, I still believe in this nation’s principles. All believers (and there is such a wide range of belief) are not the problem, only the ones who want to make their beliefs everyone else’s. Polycarp is not living the golden rule, and that’s why he should be censured.

    • The lesson is: Our God is vengeful! O spiteful one, show me who to smite and they shall be smoten!!! ~ Homer Simpson

  17. Deborah, interesting reading. Being Godless is not new, of course, just as evil is not new. You appear to be an individual who, due to being attractive and perhaps with a bit of money, convinced some doomed man to marry and to support you well. You, therefore, join the very fortunate stratum of society, envied by most, i.e., those who possess “more money than brains.” It is very ancient to renounce God, and it is also foreseeable that neither you nor your unfortunate offspring will prosper. That is very predictable. You further claim not be a follower of any religion, but it appears you may have Jewish lineage and/or influence? If so, then you are simply stating anti-Christian sentiments. Nothing new there, either. Without God defining moral boundaries, there is no meaning to “honest” “integrity” “fair” words, only what meaning you give, and that is without value. You and your children have prospered and been protected by the remnants of the religious and predominantly Christian society and beliefs that build our world. With that gone, paganism will rapidly return. You have contributed to that and have given your children over to it.

    Indicentally, “just desserts” is spelled “deserts.” Let’s begin education correctly for your son. Of course that is not the biggest mistake you ‘ve made, but it’s a start.

    A question. For what reason(s) do you celebrate “Christmas?” And how do you reconcile that with your children? Just plumbing the depths searching for the understanding of warped and twisted.

    • I celebrate the “War on Christmas.”

      Take no prisoners!!

    • Deborah, heed his words … you are DOOMED, I say.


      Hey Anonymous, I’m an atheist and I celebrate Christmas. I gather my family around the fire and read to them the passages in the bible about Jesus taking some time off from healing the sick to decorate the fig trees with candles, exchange presents with his disciples, and eat dinner with his family while arguing about politics. I dunno, some religious traditions are just so hard to break …

      • @Jason It’s kind of ironic because no one really knows the exact date Christ was born–or died.

        Haven’t most people figured out by now that there is a religious holy day and a secular holiday, both on Dec. 25th?

  18. Deborah, I thought you wanted “thoughts?” But you delete those who offer alternative ideas. Not surprising given your reported conduct and proclivities. As I stated, it is unlikely anything good will come either to you or your unfortunate offspring. You are an admittedly foolish woman and a bane to your society and your family. Far from your worst failing, but please learn to spell “deserts”, not “desserts”- if you do comprehend the difference. It’s a start for you in the path towards wisdom.

    • @Polycarp, Wow. You’ve been busy on my blog and my email. You know, those of us who write here have other responsibilities and commitments, so that’s why I can’t approve comments immediately.

      You don’t insult me. You insult all women. If this were directed at another commenter, I would not approve this, but since I am the focus of your wrath, let’s talk.

      Clearly, this is not about me. You know nothing about my background. This is about you. Did an attractive woman “do you wrong?” Do the godless make you feel fearful? Insecure? Do smart, working women make you feel emasculated? I’m just asking because this is what you are telling me through your messages to me.

      Of course, being godless is not new. It’s the way we were all born, and I’m sure you know the history of religion. But you didn’t come here to discuss religion or logic or ideas, did you? You came here to talk about you and your fears and hurts.

      First, we are not trying to rid society of Christianity or any other religion. We just want to live in peace, the believers (in god/religion) and the nonbelievers (in god/religion). I seriously doubt that, with the rise of the Nones and of those who identify as atheists, naturalists, agnostics, etc, that we will return to paganism. We are moving towards a god-free nation, like many other parts of the world. If I have contributed to that, then I am glad, for I hope it will bring understanding, tolerance and harmony to all.

      I don’t have time to address your comments about Christmas right now, and we’ve already discussed holidays here. Perhaps someone else will…But you will not be allowed to comment if you insult anyone else. We all contribute, but I moderate, and I expect civility. (See–the godless are well-mannered.) So the rules are: you can disagree, but do so respectfully.

      We all have Jewish lineage and/or influence. The Jews turned their back on idol worship and found the one god we all worship today. So you can thank your Jewish friends for your Christianity. 
      And yes, it is desserts, I assure you. Look it up.

      I know where you are writing from, right down to the street. Yep. Wouldn’t they be ashamed there to know that you wrote these messages? There are several who blog here and live near you, so some of us are your neighbors. And I do welcome you to get to know us, but I want to be clear that I expect you to treat me and others as you would your coworkers.

    • Ummm… wow. I won’t even address all the other ignorant hate-spewing you did here… Debbie did a very civil job of that herself. Wow, I really admire your restraint Debbie. It’s examples like this that make believers look terrible and unbelievers look great, so nice job there @Anonymous, if your goal was to represent believers. As a believer myself, I’d rather you wouldn’t….

      One thing I must address and defend however, is Debbie’s grammar. Desserts is correct in the context used. Let me give you a little riddle I learned in the fourth grade that might help you in the future. “Two “s’s” for dessert, because you always want two of those, and only one “s” for desert because you never want two of those!” Got it?

      • @Molly I don’t think he represents you at all. It didn’t even cross my mind. If people like anonymous were more like you (and dqfan and others here), we’d have a much more peaceful world, regardless of what we believe.

        • Enough of your crazy godless talk, harlot!!

        • Thanks Debbie. I of course know you don’t lump us all together. Sad though, he might be the only believer that some people encounter… And then people like him wonder why there are atheists?

          Even sadder you really shouldn’t have to put up with such abuse, but I imagine that you don’t put too much stake in or lose any sleep over comments like that. At least I hope you don’t.

          • @Molly: I know that it would feel wrong and unjustified to lump all the believers together because of the vocal minority.

            OTOH if I remember correct it was Sam Harris who said that the moderates are in fact the most “dangerous” because they allow for the extremes to flourish by not condemning them. That is a reasonable if somewhat hurtful conclusion – after all both the likes of Mr Anon and the most benign believer find the basis for their reasoning from the same place and a benign believer can not condemn an extremist without condemning him/herself at the same time.

            To put it more directly, when the push comes to shove, those extremists are brothers and sisters in Christ and we unbelievers are the opposition, ones heading to damnation and ultimately worthless because righteous God will surely destroy us.

            • @saab93f that is an interesting and somewhat convicting quote by Harris; thanks for sharing.

              I disagree however that as a believer I can’t condemn other believers without condemning myself as well. I would never shirk from condemning hatred such as that displayed by @Anonymous regardless of that person’s faith, race, gender, or any other quality. Likewise I would defend anyone attacked in such manner also irregardless of any inherent qualities they may possess.

              Discussing or disagreeing on issues or topics such as abortion, the existance of God, the death penalty, or politics is one thing. But @Anonymous’s sole purpose seemed to be to attack and demean Debbie who has proven to me to be a fair and kind person. That is unacceptable.

              And regarding your very last comment, I’ve made it clear I am not – and have never been – in the “saved by faith and faith alone” camp.

            • This is an important and profound observation.

            • I think this is an essential point in that believers will berate the naivete of the non/un-believers and the so-called ‘moderate’ believers will still be in the camp of the fundamentalist or cultist believers on the god/no god question.

              However, few mainstream will direct the same invective towards those with belief that differs substantially in the core dogma, though there were times when you could openly decree the RCC as the “Whore of Babylon” whereas now the sects that push it must do it a little more under-the-rader but they’re still connected with the mother sect at some point in the “revealed knowledge”evolution.

              So they basically retain for themselves only the right to dismiss the tenets and dogma of others in the exact way that Stephen Roberts did when declaring that all are atheist towards *someone’s* God(s).

              They have zero argument in declairing that one version of interpretting dogma is any more rationally sound than an atheist/agnostic calling BS on the whole damn fabrication.

              • Extra points for the multiple spellings of “believer.”

              • @LT I fixed your typos, so you don’t get any extra points now! 🙂 I think it is also interesting that some believers (like the one who commented here earlier) attack the person rather than the argument. Since faith is not logical there is no other way to argue.

                This is good: “They have zero argument in declairing that one version of interpretting dogma is any more rationally sound than an atheist/agnostic calling BS on the whole damn fabrication.”

          • @Molly I’ve received lots of hate mail over these last ten years. I would be more upset if you said hateful things because I know you are a sane, logical person. I would be really upset if a friend or family member said something hateful. But this guy knows nothing about me and is clearly an angry, misogynist. I’m not about to tell him anything about me because he wouldn’t hear it anyway. He doesn’t want to know. He’s always going to believe that women are stupid and the only way they get anywhere in life is through sex. He’s always going to believe that nonbelievers are “evil.”

        • As LT already posted, hope you get to know your place you heathen woman. I’m sure that after that diatribe you won’t be using your looks to lure another MAN into your godless ie. moralless life to be taken advantage of.

  19. Another great post…thank you! :-))) This really resonated with me since our 20 yr old moved out January 2012 and we had our third baby (a son) in a year later…!!! Happily starting over, religion free this round.

  20. Ps

    Re: the posters here who “hate” you and yet continue to hang out. They aren’t here to harass you as much as to say all they can to quiet the red flags their “faith” continues to raise as a warning sign to their hungry conscience.

    Denial is a nasty thing that manifests itself most obviously in posts such as above.

    Your gracious replies are an indicator of a person who knows who they are and what they believe in…kindness has a way of revealing that well without much effort 😉

    The dark responses from your opposition also reveal something – the fact they are total jackarses who can’t seem to tear themselves away from this blog because it speaks to something true deep inside their miserable hearts. So they kick against the very thing that has the power to truly set them free.

    Or so it seems to me.

    • s. belmonte Wow. You really are starting over! I’d love to hear how you’ve changed your parenting strategy as a religion-free parent this time.

      Yes, I agree that the commenter who has so much hate and fear inside is clearly in denial. Hopefully, this guy’s a very, very small minority.

  21. Hi Deborah,

    Re: how we are raising our third child religion-free…

    We had some practice with our middle daughter who is now 14. At age 6 I tried taking her to church and all she did was point at the exit and cried saying,”I want to go there!” and “I don’t want to be here!” That was the last time we went to church together – I went a few times after alone (no one else in the family was interested either!) then stopped completely.

    I should re-phrase how our son is being raised now. Actually its more like Minimal Religion! Only because he gets a bit of influence from both grandmothers who are Christian (one Catholic and one Seventh-Day Adventist…!) though they both live out of state hence the minimal influence.

    My mom gave me a rosary for his crib and so I thought, “What the heck?” and draped it over the corner. She wants him to be “blessed” and so for her – to see that visual and to know its there brings her peace. To me its the equivalent to having her give me a beaded peace sign so why not.

    As for what we will share with him – I think it may look a lot like my early childhood where my parents made sure I had access to various paradigms – religious or not. They let me choose for myself. No, we won’t be saying prayers of gratitude to the god I used to believe in – but we will demonstrate gratitude. No we won’t go to church for weekly worship service but we will socialize and be involved in community.

    That’s it for now – lol. Everything else we will take day to day. That’s one of the reasons why I’m here – this blog is my portal to the sanity I didn’t have for so many years. Thank you for all you’re doing :)))

  22. We need to set a standard, not follow the ways of the world.

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