Heaven is for Real

First, before today’s post, I wanted to let everyone know that Shanan sent this message along to us: “George is back at work!! He is healing and getting better every day, and the more he does, the better he’s feeling. He’s well on his way to full recovery. Please let your readers know, and tell them again, my family is so thankful for every contribution… whether monetary or just words of support. It has all made such a difference!”

So thank you guys for reaching out to Shanan’s family!

Now onto the post for the day….

Heaven is for real folks. I’ve seen it. This kid has seen it, too. There are some things you need to know.

Heaven is crowded. And loud. There is standing room only. If you arrive unexpectedly, you may have to wait to enter. There is not really anyone there to greet you–it’s more like opening the door to a large frat party where a handful of people boisterously holler at you and the rest carry on with their drinking and merry-making.

The truth that needs to be told is that everyone gets in. I mean everyone. It doesn’t matter what you did or did not do on planet earth. Apparently, we got the story wrong. You know what happens when people don’t write things down right away. In heaven, you’re not judged by the car you drive or how beautiful you are. Everyone is equal. Everyone is the same. There are no fancy clothes. People don’t even have faces, which makes it darn difficult to find your loved ones. (You just have to keep asking around and hope that someone knows.)

Guns are prohibited. In fact, everything is prohibited: food, alcohol, chewing gum, books, bicycles. There is no eating or drinking allowed. Subsequently, there is no defecation or urination, but there is also no fornication. Talk about booooring.

Your pets will be there, by the way. Yes it appears that animals have souls, too. Unfortunately there are no bark collars and no leashes in heaven. All you hear is barking, barking, barking. You’ll hear chickens and cows and birds, too, but the dogs are the worst because they like to be close to people. (Big mistake making them “man’s best friend.”)

You don’t get to sleep or eat or work or watch TV, so you better enjoy all that now while you can. Yeah, who would’ve thought work was enjoyable? Just spend an eternity doing nothing, and you’ll be begging for a job to do. You don’t get to play. You can’t golf or run or drive cars. So do all the playing you can before you make your final vacation plans to “paradise.”

Everyone is awake all the time. And they talk and talk and talk. If you like to talk, trust me, after a few thousand years of nonstop yakking, you’ll be begging for earplugs. Some people get bored and sing. This is not always a good as certain voices get the dogs howling. (The harp thing is complete BS. There are no musical instruments allowed either.)

I was not able to speak with the man in charge, the big guy. Word is he rarely speaks to anyone, being old and tired. I did hear the story of Adam and Eve is complete bollocks. As are most other stories we tell down here. There are no such things as angels or devils, and there are no plans for these sorts of thing.

Being that heaven is so very far out in outer space, not only is it beyond frigid, it’s also very damn dark. Heaven doesn’t have any nearby stars or planets–that’s how it’s escaped detection by the living. There are no beautiful sunrises or sunsets (what did you expect in such a remote location?). There is nothing to smell. No flowers. No cookies baking. No favorite perfumes. No new car or new baby smell. There is nothing to touch either. No warm skin. No soft blankets. Forever and ever.

Heaven is for real. See what we have to look forward to?

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35 responses to “Heaven is for Real

  1. This is probably one of the funniest things I’ve read. Personally, I give no credibility to children or adults when they have “dreams” about the spiritual realm. Allow me to provide an explanation.

    Most dreams are the result of things we’ve experienced or thought about during the day. Even the Bible says “dreams come from the multitude of business.” Mind you, I’m already skeptical when someone says “I have a dream” (aside from Dr. Martin Luther King Jr’s wonderful speech). There are children in this world wanting to get the approval of their parents. If their parents are extremely religious, they’ve heard religious discussion all of their life, what are they going to use to get the approval of their parents? Most of the time the subject will be related to religion.

    Before I got divorced, my step-daughters were like what I described above. They claimed to have visions, have dreams, see evil spirits, and many other religious things, because they were trying to seek approval from my ex-wife. (This is one of the reasons I’m divorced now, by the way). And to be quite honest, I felt like I had walked into a looney bin. (Yes, I tried to get them help. It’s not against the law to “practice” religion in this manner as long as no one is being physically harmed. The mental and emotional aspects of these practices in the state of KY are not regarded. Meaning, my ex can teach our daughter anything she wants as long as she isn’t physically harmed. Hooray.).

    • @dqfan2012 That is child abuse, as you know. I’m really sorry to hear that your daughters and step-daughters are exposed to that sort of behavior by their mother. Very sad and very scary for the kids.

    • dqfan2012, you’re way better off not married to that person. I could not stand 1 day of being married to a christian.

  2. This could only from the mind of a child, or perhaps some twisted scfi writer, not sure which.
    There is another religious sensation which has hit theaters. God’s Not Dead. Someone posted this on a forum I visit. Apparently this is considered good educational material for a 14 year old. Here is a synopsis of the movie if you are interested.

    http://godsnotdeadthemovie.com/synopsis

    The idea of a college professor requiring his students to disavow God or face a failing grade is a questionable, if improbable plot line. I sincerely hope the ex-wife mentioned in an earlier post does not get wind of this movie, those kids will certainly be educated then.

  3. Every time I’d hear the ad for that movie, I’d think…oh Deb’s going to have a post about this…. LOL :)

    • @anonymous Haha. There are so many religious movies that have come out–how could I choose?!!! I started to write about the one Sandra mentioned above and got so frustrated over the stupidity of it all, I just gave up!

  4. The part that creeps me out is when they say that it is all light all the time and no darkness whatsoever. Isn’t that a common method of torture?

    I mean, I’d really miss the beautiful night sky (among other things).

  5. I remember hearing about the book a while back and wondering why a 4 year old’s story is so “credible” to so many people. I too believe that he imagined this stuff because of what he has been hearing his whole life. when I was little, I dreamt of the devil pacing outside of my window carrying balloons. Does that mean the devil is real?? I knew back then that I had the dream because of the stuff I was subjected to at church. I haven’t read the book or seen the movie, but I suppose it’s a good story for believers. There was that other story that got a lot of publicity where the neurosurgeon drowned in a river and was clinically dead for 15 minutes. She said she saw heaven too. She had been a skeptic before but now she’s not. She said she was told when she was “dead” that she needed to be here on earth because her son was going to die. Now if he died soon after, it would make me wonder how she knew that. Instead, he died 9 years later! So she had to live with the knowledge that her son would die tragically but she wouldn’t know when? She just had to wait for it? What kind of slow torture is that anyway?? People who really die do not come back to talk about it. People who think they went to heaven didn’t really die, because they did come back!

    • @Gina Interesting. I, too, remember being a kid and seeing the “devil” outside. I was young–probably around 5, at the oldest. My parents told me one night that it was just tree branches I was seeing. So I think you’re right–kids are just very impressionable, and they certainly are not reliable witnesses. I was shocked, to say the least, that this kid’s story made the #1 NYT best seller. Tells me there’s a lot of folks who want to believe in heaven.

    • Sheesh, I just realized the book was written by the pastor father of the boy, using mostly the boy’s words. I had not idea the father was a pastor. Now I think I have less interest in the story. How can they say he never knew any of this information before the surgery? He could have easily overheard his family talking at any time. Kids are smart and they have very good memories! Sounds like the dad may have had a lot of influence here even if he claims the boy came up with all of it on his own. Not buying it.

  6. Two of the girls whose visions instigated the Salem witch trials, which led to the deaths of 20 of their neighbors, admitted they’d not been honest. One of them, Mary Warren, tried to back out of the pact the girls had made, but was accused of witchcraft and imprisoned. Another girl, Ann Putnam, admitted 14 years later that she’d done wrong and asked the community for forgiveness. All 20 people who were killed, were exonerated by the courts by 1709. This incident should have taught Americans to tread carefully when dealing with children (or anyone else) who claims to have had a vision of satan or god or heaven.

  7. Some of my family members wanted me to read “Heaven is For Real” when they found out I didn’t believe. I read it… not convinced.

    • @aschlady I read the reviews when it came out, and I was not inspired to read it. I’m not surprised you weren’t moved by the accounts of a 4-year-old. I don’t think a judge would allow his testimony in court….

      _____

  8. Wait, was this the kid’s description of heaven? Kill me now.

  9. …and, if eternal, everything is possible event is repeated, over and over, and over and over, and over and over…

  10. I have a great idea! Instead of reading or watching these types of movies/books proclaiming the existence of God, or Heaven, watch an episode of Cosmos and thrill to the realities that are our universe. There is so much real out there that is real all you have to do is look. Not only that but Neil is so much more appealing. ;-)

  11. I read this book at the insistence of a family member. The first thing that struck me was how poorly it was written. Seriously, middle school level at best. Aside from that, I can’t believe that so many people are really falling for this. A toddler comes back from the dead and gives a detailed description of heaven and Jesus to his parents (conveniently, just them) and that’s it. Dad, a pastor, writes a book about it to sell to the masses so he can get rich. Brilliant strategy because hey, you can’t sue someone for lying about a spiritual event or accuse a pastor of creating a total fallacy about his child to make millions, can you? I only wish I had thought of it first. I could be sitting on those millions instead of the burpy Burpos.

  12. Heaven, where all my religious tormentors will be forever….no thanks, I’ll pass.

  13. here is the obligatory Fox News link….http://video.foxnews.com/v/3469499652001/family-behind-heaven-is-for-real-reflects-on-new-film/?intcmp=obnetwork#sp=show-clips
    Why isn’t belief in god a form of psychiatric illness. If you think you are god, you would be committed. But believing god existed on earth and manifests himself to you directly (like he does in this story) is totally ok. At least everyone now knows that THOR isn’t real…just a hunky guys with a big fake hammer.

    • Thanks for the link, Bill.
      Great points….Many do think belief is a form of mental illness, but, unfortunately, it’s just the minority of us who don’t believe! If we could just get more people on board….

  14. I was just talking about the idea of heaven with my husband the other day. We were on vacation without our boys and when we do that I’m always afriad I’m going to die in a plane crash (crazy, I know..that’s what Xanax is for). Anyway, the thought of dying and going up to heaven watching life go on without you is not comforting at all to me. I can’t imagine this happening and be looking down, watching my little boys grow up. Not being there to give them advice. Tell them when they’ve messed up. Hold them when they’re hurting. Dance with them at their weddings. Hold my grandbabies. It sounds AWFUL and gut wrenching. Definitely not something I want to be a part of. No thank you.

    • @dallasgrl I agree–not something I’d want to see either.

      That fear you expressed must be a universal fear. I swear. I used to get so worried about that when I’d go away from my kids that I’d write them long letters and put them in their rooms in case they ever returned and I wasn’t there!

      _____

  15. Adults create a framework of fantasy within which they live the entirety of their lives, dreaming up explanations and cause and effect relationships out of thin air. On one hand, it fascinates me that humans do this, and on the other hand it’s extremely depressing to be a member of the same species.

  16. Apparently, some super holy Christians are protesting the film because the only person how went to heaven and came back to talk about it was Jesus.

    It always amazes me what people take as truth from extremely sick people who are probably not in their right mind due to their body malfunctioning. When my grandmother was dying due to infection after brain surgery, apparently she was talking about St. Peter and the gates of Heaven. My father was just amazed at that and said how could anyone deny the existence of heaven after that. Mind you, this is the same grandmother who was hallucinating about tiny men riding motorcycles in her trees while in her nursing home and had to be convinced they weren’t real. I know it was probably my dad finding some comfort in the fact that his mother was dying, but I will never understand the dichotomy of one being evidence of an afterlife and the other was simply Maw Maw losing her marbles.

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